feeling a little eccentric

I've been very emotional lately. Tears just flow as easily as turning on the faucet. Last week, when our team was having a meeting our team leader asked if I have any concerns.. Told them that I am demotivated. And in front of my teammates, I can't stop my tears from falling. I was saying jokes and i laugh in between tears to stop them but I just couldn't. I'm so overwhelmed with sadness that I can no longer control my tears. Our team leader was pressuring me to disclose why the sudden burst of emotion (which she was also taken off guard because I don’t usually cry in front of people) I was tempted to tell the truth in front of the group but due to confidentiality of the reasons behind it, I was force not to disclose it because not everyone knows about the situation (a few chosen people have learned bout it in the course of time). I only told them that our team leader is the reason for my demotivation.

This morning, i received a letter from her. Which is so sweet :) this is the first time that she wrote me a letter (we've been friends for 3 years now). Maybe because we always tease her that we can't read her handwriting, heheheh! And she said that she had an inkling on what the reason was. She thought that I'm angry with her because she got the job that I was hoping to get. I was actually smiling while I read her letter. I don't think I'm that shallow to be angry with her for getting the job. If it was meant to be mine, it will be, whatever happens. But of course I'll be a hypocrite to say that I didn't felt disappointed when I learned out it but i guess the job is not meant for me, so why middle on it? The truth is, I'm demotivated because she's leaving the company and because the people who are the reason of me still being here are resigning one by one. My motivation to go to work is diminishing minute by minute.

And now, I had been feeling a little eccentric. I have this notion and feeling that Adrian has forgotten about our 5th year anniversary tomorrow. I don’t know where this came from. Woman’s instinct? Maybe. I don’t know. I hope I’m wrong. And again, just the thought of it made me cry again. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’ve never felt this emotional… ever.. I’ve always been able to control my feelings and put a smile on my face on a very gloomy day. People don’t know that I’m depressed because I’m very good in hiding my feelings but these past few days ... its different ... kind of weird actually.