miss him like crazy...

...who wouldn't go crazy for such charming little man?







his latest photoshoot at 16 months old

Separation anxiety

I thought I was prepared for it. But I was wrong. Separation anxiety creeps in the moment I lost sight of him through the iron gates of the airport, I lost it. Uncontrolled tears where all over my face. I miss him already.

For more than a month I've been asking God if its the right decision, if this is his will, if this is what's best for us, for Andre. I have been haunted for months by my dilemma of not having someone I trust look after my son while we are at work. My mom had been my angel looking after AJ ever since he was born. And when my mom needed to go to the province (Samar,Leyte), Hubby and I had to decided on the best arrangement for our son. We were blessed to have a yaya for our son but I have trust issues when it comes to leaving my son alone for more than 12 hours with a yaya. We came up with so many options that none of them felt right. I was even tempted to go on a weeks leave until my mom's business is done. But that also didn't seem possible because I'm still way behind my target. So I've made the hardest decision I've ever made in my entire life. I agreed to my mom's suggestion to take AJ with her on her 2 weeks and 3 days stay in the province.

Am I a bad mom? Letting my child be away from me this long? Am I selfish to put my work first before my duties as a mother? Am I irresponsible?

This morning, we drove them to the airport. I've asked Hubby if we could stay at the airport until they boarded the plane. We stayed at the waiting area for 3 hours until they had checked in and embarked the plane. While waiting, I kept on wiping my tears that blurs my vision, as i stare into nothingness.

Special thanks to our good friends, Varian and Janess, who kept us company before we went home to our empty house.

update: While I was writing this post, my best friend Elenore, sent me a chat message and I told her that I was suffering from a separation anxiety. She said she was sorry that I miss Andre. Her dad is in the hospital. And he's in a critical condition because of his kidney failure. He might be dying soon. And she's in Texas and her dad is in Bulacan.

Hope you can say a prayer for Elenore's dad.

Tales from the Crib

I thought of doing another tales from the crib post since my last post about AJ's development was 5 months ago.

So AJ is now 16 months old and is a grown little man. He's not just walking but also likes to run. He loves playing around other kids in the village too which is very good for his social development. I'm glad that he's outgoing and not shy around other kids even if they are older than him. Later today there's a trick or treat event in our village so I'm excited to dress him up and be his personal photographer. Its his first Halloween party so this has got to be in our photo album.

Few months back we introduced to him the colorful plastic spoon and fork while we feed him so he'll get used to it and so he'll identify them with eating. Of course its a mess (as always!) but its fun and we get to laugh every time he's being silly but also tells him that throwing food is bad. Brushing teeth is another story... he's got a total of 14 of them so brushing his teeth is inevitable and a whole lot a challenge. I sing, I count, even try to fool him that we'll go and see an airplane after brushing his teeth just so he'll open his mouth. I also tried placing him in from of a mirror so he'll smile at himself so I can brush his front teeth. Its a challenge 3 times a day!

After his diaper change in the morning, he picks his shoes and tries to put them on. He already knows that he has to wear shoes before walking around the house. He also helps when we dress him up. He's the one who pulls down his shirt and lifts his foot on his own when we're putting on his shorts. And when his diapers are full, he lets us know that he need a change by removing his diaper and dragging it while walking.

He's also started talking and gibbering a couple of months ago and here are some of his most common words:

Mommy: ma-ma-mi
Daddy: dada
Milk: ik
Light: ayt
Dog: a-a-a-a-a
Cat: a
Hot: at
Diaper: aper

Things he loves to switch on/off:

Light
TV
computer cpu and monitor
cordless phone

Watching TV is one of his favorite things to do. He loves watching Blue's Clues and every time he sees someone singing or dancing.. he dances along and sings also (gibberish of course!). One role play that he enjoys is cooking. Yup, I think we made our future chef here... This was also very evident when we went for another photo shoot and after doing some shots with big bear, books and a baseball cap... we gave him a spatula and casserole full of plastic veggies and what did we get? A very pre-occupied little chef.

photo shoot at the picture company

my little Christmas wishlist

We have 68 days before Christmas and I already want to do my Christmas shopping for Andre. Yes I've been going in and out of baby stores and toys R us for the past 3 days just looking for ideas on what to give my little man. Its his second Christmas already but I believe that this Christmas is as special as the first one because now, he can open his own presents, he can hold the angel with confidence and put on top of our tree, he'll be curious about why the different colors of the Christmas lights blinks etc. I want him to get excited once he sees the gifts under the tree. These are the reason also that I'm eager to put up our Christmas tree but that should wait until the end of Halloween.

So for now, I have to satisfy my Christmas spirit with a wishlist.. these are the things that I like AJ to have.. If I can't afford it, I hope one of the Godparents can. hahaha! Merry Christmas!


Top L-R: Rockin' Puppy by Little Tikes, Tadoodles by Cryola Beginnings, Flip 'n Play Table by Chicco

Center L-R: Climb & Slide Castle by Little Tikes, My first Drum Set, Modo Maxi Blocks by Chicco


Bottom L-R: Power Wheels Diego Lil' Quad by Fisher-Price, Adidas rubber shoes (size13-13.5), kiddie table and chair

Domesticated? Not really...

Last Friday was declared a national holiday to celebrate the end of Ramadan. It was a delight to be able to get an extra day off work and relax with the family. I was actually in my domesticated mood, which was unusual, so I thought of cooking for my boys. Big Adrian and Andre boy. So what will I cook? I checked on our supplies and my mom suggested to cook chicken curry since she have red curry mix that was given by her friend.

Everyone who really knows me are aware that I am not a domestic goddess. I'd be out of my mind if I manage the house all by myself. So what do I know about cooking curry? I have to resort to my allies, the world wide web. I know Jmom have her kitchen site and I've been a lurker in her kitchen but never really dared try one of her recipes. But now, I need to know how to cook chicken curry. And as reliable as a mom.. she does have curry in her kitchen. I have to do away with the other veggies in the recipe because they are unavailable so I just add the usual potatoes and carrots. After about 30 minutes, with our own kitchen smelling like a yummy curry, its done and everyone loved it! Well, except for Andre, since I didn't dare give him any since red curry is way too spicy for kids. I'm happy that even if I'm not domesticated, I can still cook without everyone heading to the comfort room.

Thanks Jmom! *hugs*

Blogging for a Cause

I received an email with the subject line : Are you a blogger? Do you read blogs? Here's one for you.... Since I'm convinced that I am (in some way or another), I read the email and got so excited! Like a child on Christmas morning ready to open her gifts. So why am I excited? My employer decided to put up a blog. Its actually in its developmental stage but I grew even more excited when I was asked by the content manager to be a contributing author. Of course he didn't just asked me to join out of the blue. I had to send him an email with related question so he'll get the hint... and glad he did. Hahaha! But seriously, its a no non-sense blog since all entries should be, "by its very nature, must be geared towards achieving the company's objectives." which is Improving People's Lives Through a Better Career.

We were asked to make our entries more personal: like talking to our readers on a one-on-one basis about jobs, careers, ideas, etc in a more conversational way. I'd like to think that contributing in this blog would mean helping people in my own little way ...to achieve their coveted dream job.

So for starters, I posted today an entry entitle: Show up for Success. Read it here

Wish me luck on this new endeavor!

Pinoy bigotry on US primetime TV

I posted few months back about the bigotry of OFWs made by a socialite-writer. And now another bigotry on Filipino medical practitioners specifically doctors. And this time it was on Primetime TV in the US, where a lot of Filipino doctors and nurses work. I'm glad I'm not a fan of Desperate Housewives. If you are, I know you've seen the Sept 30 episode. I just heard this on the news this moring.

Dr. Mayfair told a visibly terrified Mayer that the word “menopause” seems to open a Pandora’s Box for the age-conscious middle-aged woman. “They hear ageing, brittle bones, loss of sexual drive…” said the doctor who was cut midway from his explanation by an agitated Mayer. “Before we go any further, can I check those diplomas? ‘Coz, I just want to make sure they’re not from some med school in the Philippines,” she said while searching for the doctor’s records.

An online petition has been started and you can add your signature here.
Quote from pinay.org