Separation anxiety

I thought I was prepared for it. But I was wrong. Separation anxiety creeps in the moment I lost sight of him through the iron gates of the airport, I lost it. Uncontrolled tears where all over my face. I miss him already.

For more than a month I've been asking God if its the right decision, if this is his will, if this is what's best for us, for Andre. I have been haunted for months by my dilemma of not having someone I trust look after my son while we are at work. My mom had been my angel looking after AJ ever since he was born. And when my mom needed to go to the province (Samar,Leyte), Hubby and I had to decided on the best arrangement for our son. We were blessed to have a yaya for our son but I have trust issues when it comes to leaving my son alone for more than 12 hours with a yaya. We came up with so many options that none of them felt right. I was even tempted to go on a weeks leave until my mom's business is done. But that also didn't seem possible because I'm still way behind my target. So I've made the hardest decision I've ever made in my entire life. I agreed to my mom's suggestion to take AJ with her on her 2 weeks and 3 days stay in the province.

Am I a bad mom? Letting my child be away from me this long? Am I selfish to put my work first before my duties as a mother? Am I irresponsible?

This morning, we drove them to the airport. I've asked Hubby if we could stay at the airport until they boarded the plane. We stayed at the waiting area for 3 hours until they had checked in and embarked the plane. While waiting, I kept on wiping my tears that blurs my vision, as i stare into nothingness.

Special thanks to our good friends, Varian and Janess, who kept us company before we went home to our empty house.

update: While I was writing this post, my best friend Elenore, sent me a chat message and I told her that I was suffering from a separation anxiety. She said she was sorry that I miss Andre. Her dad is in the hospital. And he's in a critical condition because of his kidney failure. He might be dying soon. And she's in Texas and her dad is in Bulacan.

Hope you can say a prayer for Elenore's dad.