Officially Missing You

Honestly, I do not know what to say in this entry... I'm speechless... I'm numbed... I'm empty. I stayed late in the office, trying to keep myself busy until 10pm. I don't want to go home yet to an empty apartment. Had a late dinner with my officemate, Erben, which was nice because it kept my mind preoccupied. While waiting for Adrian to pick me up, I put on my ipod and maxed the volume...again keeping myself preoccupied.When I got in the car, I was in my chatty mood about how my day went (my meetings in Alabang, my new 16M target, etc..). But when I got inside the house,,, it was awfully quiet. I didn't hear M O M M Y! being shouted at the top of his lungs. No wide pearly white smile greeted me as I enter our bedroom. He's not here. I won't be able to brush his hair out of his forehead, won't see his smile when he open his eyes and catch me staring at him I won't be able to hold his little hand while we sleep...separation anxiety is so overwhelming.. it just pains me.

He is in Cavite. He is just 2 hour drive away from us. But not being with him every single day just breaks my heart. I do have a choice. Quit my job and take care of him. I would in a heartbeat if I could but with our situation right now,,,that's not an option. I have to make this sacrifice. I'm doing this for him. But why do I feel so guilty?

Guilt free shopping

Motherhood has changed my shopping habits. When I was single, I would shop for clothes, shoes, bags and jewelries whenever my heart desires it.. even on impulse.. mall-wide sale or not, I never hesitated swiping my reliable credit card. Becky Bloomwood was my hero. hahaha!

But now, whenever I go to malls, I always end up buying something for AJ, may it be clothes, shoes or toys I don't hesitate buying it. But when I see something that I want these days... I amazed myself with how much self control I have. I always access if I really need this (right) now, can I survive without it? This question is always answered by a big YES. So I usually walk out the store empty handed, no bulky paper bags.

This is the reason why I am excited to be invited to weddings. Because I have 3 good reasons to have a guilt free shopping's spree.

1. I have to buy a new dress. Especially if the guests are the same people who have attended the previous weddings that I went to.

2. My shoes should match my dress. I usually buy black stiletto or high heeled shoes to be practical so I can even wear it to the office.

3. Accessories should match. The bag that holds the press powder, lipstick, cellphone and digicam should be appropriate and coordinated to your dress. And thou shall not forget the jewelries (fancy or real) that will compliment the total ensemble.

And so I am happy to have swiped my little red credit card at VNC as I have finally found the shoes that I'll be wearing on Saturday for Janess and Varian's wedding on the hill. Their theme is Bohemian!!! And the motif are different shades of Lilac and Green. After 4 days of searching for the perfect pair for me... Erben and I saw this green wedge shoes that is so comfy and lightweight. i just LUVEEET! Now I just have to find the puuurrrfect accessories for my v-neck sleeveless tunic top and dress pants and I'm ready to go!