Officially Missing You

Honestly, I do not know what to say in this entry... I'm speechless... I'm numbed... I'm empty. I stayed late in the office, trying to keep myself busy until 10pm. I don't want to go home yet to an empty apartment. Had a late dinner with my officemate, Erben, which was nice because it kept my mind preoccupied. While waiting for Adrian to pick me up, I put on my ipod and maxed the volume...again keeping myself preoccupied.When I got in the car, I was in my chatty mood about how my day went (my meetings in Alabang, my new 16M target, etc..). But when I got inside the house,,, it was awfully quiet. I didn't hear M O M M Y! being shouted at the top of his lungs. No wide pearly white smile greeted me as I enter our bedroom. He's not here. I won't be able to brush his hair out of his forehead, won't see his smile when he open his eyes and catch me staring at him I won't be able to hold his little hand while we sleep...separation anxiety is so overwhelming.. it just pains me.

He is in Cavite. He is just 2 hour drive away from us. But not being with him every single day just breaks my heart. I do have a choice. Quit my job and take care of him. I would in a heartbeat if I could but with our situation right now,,,that's not an option. I have to make this sacrifice. I'm doing this for him. But why do I feel so guilty?